Santa versus the Hooligans

 Introduction

Many times over the life of this blog, I have run a Christmas-themed game of Hordes of the Things.  All of these can be found using this link: https://colgar6.blogspot.com/search/label/Santa .

The annual holiday game didn't happen last year (global pandemic, don't ya know!), but we're back in 2021 with a new battle.  This time, Santa's home is under threat from tribes of goblins and their associated wolves & trolls.  He has allied with a barbarian tribe (probably through promises of extreme feasting and loot, I imagine!) to defend against this threat.

The Forces

Each of the 4 bands was an independent 24AP army for Hordes of the Things.  The forces of destruction (two goblin armies) were controlled by my friend Steve, whilst the bringers of light and happiness were led by myself and my son.  I took the barbarians, whilst my son took Santa.  He (my son, not Santa!) had just received a vaccine booster shot the day before and hadn't slept well overnight.  This might go part way towards explaining some of the outcomes in the game!

Santa's Army

Santa's force is a mixture of elves, toy soldiers, fierce ice bears and hordes of snowmen.  It is described in more detail here: http://colgar6.blogspot.com/2013/12/hott-santas-army.html .

The Barbarians

My barbarians have a lot of foot warband elements (as might be expected), some archers, some hard-charging panther-mounted knights and a general mounted on a woolly rhino.

The Goblin Raiders

Facing the barbarians we had a goblin force consisting of 2 trolls, hordes of goblins and a large number of wolf riders.  Also, the woods are full of  (unridden) wolves.

[Side note: this force looks like more than 24AP to me.  Oh, well - mistakes may have been made, but if so then it didn't affect the end result, as you will see].

The Goblin Hooligans

The goblin force facing Santa also had two trolls.  It was lead by some greater goblin warbands and had huge numbers of lesser goblins.  Even when deployed, these vandals pushed over the signpost which led to the North Pole, thus earning the title "the hooligans".

The Battle

Most of Santa's army ran forwards as fast as they could.  The sleigh flew past the goblin lines and circled overhead, impervious to all.  On the other flank, the barbarians advanced cautiously, not wanting to fight in the wolf-infested forest.

In return, the goblin warbands and trolls charged off their hill.  They caught the elves before they could shoot and annihilated them.  On the far flank, the ice bears tore through hordes of lesser goblins - but there were always more of the nasty little creatures joining the back ranks.

Santa's snowmen had a minor moment of success when they flanked, outnumbered and swarmed a troll, but this didn't make up for the losses they were taking.

Finally, Santa in his sleigh descended and attacked some of the goblin warband.  Whilst he was very successful against a small part of the goblin host, their general and remaining troll made a run for Santa's cottage!  Desperately, the barbarians attempted to (a) prevent the other goblin army from interfering and (b) move some troops sideways to support Santa.  However, this level of coordination was just too much for their hairy, unwashed brains...

Santa overran his first opponents and flew towards the troll (which had just wiped out Santa's artillery with contemptuous ease).  Nearby, the goblin general eliminated all the snowmen who had been respawned in front of the cottage.

With a shout of triumph, the goblin hooligan's big boss broke into Santa's home.  They pushed over the signpost, cut down the trees, smashed the crockery and ransacked the place (opening all the presents and leaving torn wrappings everywhere).  Oh, dear!

Meanwhile, the ice bears continued to torment the goblin hordes, but just couldn't make headway against the ever-replenishing numbers.  The barbarian knights were cut off and destroyed, though their woolly rhino just kept ploughing forwards, pushing back whatever got in its way.  Finally, Santa was left arguing with a large, smelly troll about the proper meaning of Christmas.  Game over!

Conclusion

Well, that was an abrupt ending!

• The goblins timed their run for the cottage perfectly.  Santa simply couldn't catch all of them on his own and they breezed through the second echelon stuff that was left to guard the objective.
• Santa sacrificed some of his troops early in charging forwards; the shooters might have been better employed waiting for the enemy to come to them instead.
• The ice bears were bogged down fighting with vast hordes of goblins.  Even though they were generally winning each round of combat the bears had a long way to go before they could push the little monsters off the table.
• The barbarians were mesmerised by the wood full of wolves; fearful of a flank attack if they tried to skirt around it and not confident of their chances if they attacked the forest head on.
• When the barbarians eventually tried to redeploy, it was too complicated and too late.  All they did was sacrifice their mounted troops for no real gain.

So, a well-deserved victory to the goblin hooligans.  Let's hope that isn't an omen for Christmas 2021!

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all my readers!

The Battle of Santa's Farm!

Introduction

Even if I haven't done so in any of the previous 12 months, this is the time of year when I host a large-scale battle using the Hordes of the Things rules.  What's the occasion?  Why Christmas, of course - when I retrieve my Santa-themed army and put it on the table with various allies and enemies.  Let the best man/saint/troll/goblin/snowman win!

Last year, Santa routed the opposition.  Can he repeat that success this year?  Read on...

Setup

We had 6 armies facing each other across the table in this game.

For the good side (top to bottom):

• Tilean mercenaries:  Solid spearmen, some heavy cavalry, some crossbowmen, a cannon, a birdman/flying machine and a base of duelists/assassins (sneakers).
• Santa: ice bears, elves with sten guns (and mince pies), a toy cannon and hordes of snowmen.
• Kung Fu: heroes, a buddhist priest, swordsmen and hordes of peasants.

Evil (or at least, naughty, selfish and greedy):

• Goblins: wolf riders, trolls, green hordes.
• Barbarians (centre): rhino rider, archers, warbands.
• Barbarians (right wing): heroes, panther riders, warbands

In the Beginning

As one might expect, the evil side advanced across the board.  If they could just capture Santa's house then it would be "game over", so they had every incentive to play aggressively.

In the far north, the Tilean general rode forwards, perhaps a bit recklessly not waiting for the rest of his troops.  He was swiftly surrounded and cut off by goblins and trolls.

Santa flew his sleigh right over the enemy lines and circled behind them.  He was waiting for an opportunity to pounce on any unsuspecting element.

His first chance arrived almost immediately, as the (centre) barbarians ignored him in favour of continuing their advance.  Santa's sleigh swept down on their back ranks and destroyed one element before taking off again!

To the north, the Tilean general was cut down; this shook and demoralised the remainder of the mercenary force.  Many of them immediately turned and fled, though the spearmen and crossbows held their ground.  Demoralised enemy forces: Good (0), Naughty (1).

Interestingly, the Tilean duelists were engaged with massed goblins in the forest; the sneakers couldn't really be hurt by the hordes (or vice versa) - but they couldn't/wouldn't break off either.  The goblin hordes spent much of the game tied up in this useless fashion - hunting for assassins that they just couldn't pin down!

Near the fountain in the centre, the snowmen started to tear apart the advancing barbarian warbands in front of them.  The elf shooters, having disposed of their barbarian counterparts, joined in as well.  Before long (and completely against the odds), the barbarian (centre) force was decimated and demoralised, with only a few stray elements dispiritedly holding their ground.  Demoralised enemy forces: Good (1), Naughty (1).

At the other end of the battlefield, the Kung Fu swordsmen held off the barbarian cavalry and heroes.  Mostly...

After many turns in which the combat swayed too and fro, the barbarians (right wing) stepped up a gear and chewed through much of the Kung Fu army in just a single turn, whilst only taking a few losses.  Demoralised enemy forces: Good (1), Naughty (2).

In the middle of the game, Santa struck again!  This time he landed in a swamp in order to attack a troll that was involved in a complex fight involving the goblin general and some of his ice bears.  Let's just say that it didn't go very well for either element in the middle of this fight!

The loss of the Tileans had uncovered Santa's flank and the goblin general thought he saw an opportunity.  He led his wolf riders into a charge against Santa's toy cannon, which was then also attacked in the rear by a couple of barbarian heroes from the other flank.

This didn't look good at all.  However, I am reliably informed that the cannon was loaded with Christmas trees this time - not like earlier in the game, when we figured it must have been firing marshmallows, for all the damage it was doing.  The goblin general was well-and-truly skewered and with his demise the remaining goblins decided they wanted no further part in the fight.  Demoralised enemy forces: Good (2), Naughty (2).

So, it looked as if it was coming down the the wire now.  There remained just Santa's army (somewhat damaged) and the barely-touched barbarians (right wing).  The swift barbarian chieftain made an attempt to break into Santa's house, but was chased off by Mrs. Claus (I imagine a rolling pin was involved, possibly also with the threat of ... soap.  Or mistletoe).

Not fancying his army's chances - they were slightly outnumbered and somewhat scattered & out of position - Santa decided to finish this in single combat with the enemy general, "mano e mano".  Whoever lost this fight would probably lose the game, as the remainder of their army would almost certainly be demoralised and withdraw from the battle.  Santa charged his sleigh straight at the barbarian prince...

.who sidestepped nimbly at the last moment and overturned the man-in-red into the snow.  Thus ends the tale; Christmas is no more; victory to the barbarians!

Conclusion

This was a special game, especially as I managed to persuade several club members to play their first game of Hordes of the Things because of the occasion.  I believe that it was much enjoyed by the participants and I hope that the tale will be appreciated by all my other readers too!

Highlights:

• I loved seeing the goblin hordes playing hide-and-seek with the Tilean assassins in the forest.  The sneakers had something of a combat advantage, though this was swiftly reduced by outflanking and demoralisation to something like parity with the goblins.  However, these Tileans just couldn't roll low for almost all the game.
• Santa's cannon, elves and angry snowmen saw off pretty much all comers!  At least, until faced with overwhelming odds...
• One troll from the goblin force engaged a Kung Fu hero late in the game.  Even though both were demoralised, the troll just didn't know to give up and kept chasing the hero across the board [I don't think that Hordes of the Things elements cease to be impetuous once they are demoralised?].
• The barbarian leader's brazen attack on Santa's cottage could have ended the game immediately; it was a 50:50 chance.  However, he was chased off by the stronghold's defences.

Low Points:

• The Tilean flying machine ran away without engaging - again!  I don't think I've ever seen it do anything useful in any game...
• Santa's defeat at the hands of a barbarian has to be a depressing thought - but I'm sure he'll be back!

Santa: The Battle of 6 Armies

Introduction

It's that time of the year again!  Just before Christmas, I pull my Santa army from storage and arrange a big battle of Hordes of the Things.  This time, there were 6 armies involved (3 for Good/Jollity and 3 for Evil/Humbug) together with 3 objectives.  To find out what happened, read on...

Doesn't look much like the North Pole, does it?  I blame global warming...

The 6 Armies: forces of Good

1. Elves.  These are my son's figures and he hasn't painted up enough for a "proper" Hordes of the Things army.  To compensate for their inferior numbers, we lifted the "superior" status from DBMM and gave it to all of them.  In past games these elves have proved to be extremely tough...

Santa's army.  This is more fully described ==> here <==.

Kung Fu.  Again, this army is described in detail ==> here <==.

The 6 Armies: forces of Evil

Goblins.  Hordes and more hordes, some wolves, warband general.  Also, they have a troll...

Undead.  This is a difficult army to command as extra PiPs (initiative points) are needed for both the flyers and for the magician.

Barbarians: warband, shooters, panther riders (knights) and heroes.  Much of this army is impetuous...

 The Game

Wolves and a troll surged forwards towards Mrs. Claus' house.  It took the troll a while to work out how to enter, but eventually he (she? it?) did so and claimed the objective for the evil side.  I don't think Mrs Claus will ever get that smell out of the carpets...

The elves advanced to meet this assault; their archers rained arrows upon the wolf riders and destroyed one element.  Firsat blood to the forces of good!

Here's a little extra rule that we used on the day: one of my club mates had brought a large bag of chocolates to the meeting.  I ruled that each time an enemy element was destroyed, the victor could have one.  It certainly gave some real-world consequence to the fights.

On the other flank, the barbarians surged forwards enthusiastically.  In an unexpected turn of events, their hero general was repulsed; this defeat then affected all the other combats down the line and the barbarians didn't win a single fight.

The Kung Fu front line counterattacked and, with a spectacularly bad series of dice rolls, much of the barbarian army just disintegrated.

The barbarian commander fought on alone and even managed to slay one of the Kung Fu heroes, but the odds were heavily against him and he was surrounded.  Even though his attackers sportingly gave him a chance by rolling a '1' (!), the dispirited warrior couldn't fight on any more (he rolled a '1' himself.  Again!).

The centre was an almost totally defensive fight for the undead, as they never had enough PiPs to move more than a handful of troops.  Indeed, the giant bats were never activated during the entire game.

The necromancer general stayed at the back, casting ineffectual spells at Santa's army.  In return, the ice bears charged forwards and fought with zombies and skeletons.  There were losses on both sides, but when Santa joined in as well, the tide turned in favour of the forces of good.

Then, disaster struck the undead!  Firstly, the vampire knights were destroyed in combat with a horde of snowmen.  That's nearly (but not quite) impossible.

Then, Santa saw the necromancer standing alone behind the ranks of skeletal infantry.  A twitch on the reins was all he needed to guide his flying reindeer over the intervening enemies.  The sleigh landed directly on top of the undead general, squashing him into the dirt.

With the loss of their commander, the undead army crumbled to dust (it failed the "panic" roll on the turn after losing the general).  All that was left were a few ghosts (i.e. the sneaker element), drifting about the battlefield looking for something they could haunt.

Over near the cottage, the elf bowmen advanced slowly, slaughtering everything that stood in their way (by this time, the Good players were starting to refuse the chocolates they earned for every 'kill'; it was just too much for them).

The elf spearmen moved past the house in an attempt to engage the troll, but were ambushed from the side by the goblin general and his warband.  For many turns, these embattled elves threw the evil forces back (their 'superior' status helped here!), but the goblins just kept on coming until eventually they overran the first group of elven infantry.

The greater goblins pressed their advantage and pushed the remaining elf spearmen up the hill.  For a brief moment it looked as if the goblin army might be able to inflict some real hurt on the forces of good, but by this time Santa was free from crushing the necromancer.

The sleigh took to the skies once more and came barreling down the hill, into (and through) the troll without even slowing down.  That catastrophic loss was too much to bear and all of the goblin hordes fled the battlefield in terror, leaving just their demoralised general and his bodyguard.  There seemed little point in playing on after this, so we called the game.

Conclusion

That was a rout!  Of the 3 evil sides, only the goblins put up much of a fight. Their opponents (the elves) suffered the heaviest losses of any good army - and even that was only 2 elements.  The barbarians' collapse was unexpected but spectacular; I don't know if I've ever seen so many '1's rolled in a row.  The necromancer's command-heavy army never threw higher than a '3' on a d6 for PiPs (it might have been a '4' on one turn; my memory isn't perfect here) and was consequently paralysed & ineffectual.  It basically stood there and allowed Santa to attack wherever and whenever he desired.

I don't want to take anything away from the good side's victory, though: they played competently and came away with a massive win.  Sometimes what looks like an even fight just isn't.

So, make merry and enjoy yourselves this Christmas, in the knowledge that evil has been roundly defeated once again.  Have another chocolate, if you can face it 🙂...

Batrep: Santa's Little Helpers

Introduction

It's Christmas Eve and Santa is busy preparing for the night ahead.  Suddenly, in the distance, there is a rhythmic, throbbing sound as battleaxes are beaten against shields.  With a series of loud, whooping battle cries, hordes of rapacious barbarians appear on the skyline.

Alarms sound as Santa's helpers grab weapons and hastily muster outside his house.  Fortunately for the big man in red, some tall, serious forest elves have come to visit their short, jolly cousins (and to check that they're not being exploited too much).  These visitors are few in number, but expert with bow and spear; they'll be most welcome allies!

It's time for us to play my annual, Christmas game of Hordes of the Things, where Santa's army and a random ally stand up for all that's good and cheerful by fighting against the forces of gluttony, pillage and humbug!

Background Information

Santa's army is used just this one time a year; it is described here for anyone who is interested:

• Santa's Army

Previous battles have mostly been victories for decency, truthfulness and mince pies - but not always:

• 2016: HotT: Santa vs the Barbarians
• 2015: A HotT day's work at Christmas
• 2014: HOTT: Christmas vs. Halloween!
• 2013: One of our Santas is missing
• 2012: HOTT: It Was The Week Before Christmas...

The Forces

Red, White and Green

• Santa's army:
  
  Aerial hero general, shooters, beasts, artillery and hordes of snowmen
• Forest elf detachment:
  
  Hero general, shooters and spears.  Note that this small force only came to 16AP instead of the more normal 24AP.  We compensated for this by giving them Superior status.  This isn't part of the Hordes of the Things rules, but comes from the DBM sister rule set.  It gives them +1 to their combat result if they win whilst shooting and +1 if they lose while in melee.

Smelly and Unwashed

• 1st Barbarian tribe:
  
   Hero general, 2nd hero, some shooters, lots of warband.
• 2nd Barbarian tribe:
  
  Behemoth general and an even mix of warband & panther-riding knights.

The Game

Predictably, the barbarians surged forwards - though they didn't have enough PiPs (command points) to move their king.  He was left behind, caught out by the over-enthusiasm of his tribesmen and women.

First blood went to the defenders as the toy cannon scored an unlikely direct hit with its opening shot.  Scratch one warband!

On the other flank, the barbarian cavalry raced around the forest in a direct line for Santa's cottage!  The ice bears had been attempting to reach the forest, knowing that they were outclassed in the open, but they had to turn at bay when confronted with this threat.

Fortunately for Santa's home, the nimble elves raced forwards and reached the crest of the hill just ahead of the foot barbarians.  Even so, they looked horribly outnumbered...

The first line of barbarian cavalry smacked into the waiting ice bears, who - surprisingly - held [aided considerably by a misinterpretation of the rules].

An over-eager element from the second line of cavalry charged into the elf hero, who showed them very quickly how good a swordsman can be after 1,000 years of practice.

Meanwhile, in a bitter and long-fought contest, the elf archers held the hill against all comers.

The barbarians facing Santa continued to advance, though the weight of missile fire had broken up their lines somewhat.  One warband peeled off to assist the behemoth in front of the wood; with this flank attack the facing ice bear didn't stand a chance.

On the other side, one of the units of elf spearmen turned to attack the first wave of barbarian cavalry in the rear.  This was now caught in a sandwich between the elves and the remaining bears and was destroyed with ease.

Elsewhere, the elf hero was attacked by the second wave of mounted barbarians, whilst the warbands and elf archers continued to wrestle for possession of the hill.

The leading barbarian warbands finally made contact with Santa's line and immediately destroyed the toy cannon.  Santa counter-attacked and wiped out these intruders...

...whilst elsewhere the elf commander and his spearmen wiped out the remaining barbarian panther riders.  [That's a contest which was only ever going to end one way!  The only question was how long it would take the disciplined elf infantry to obliterate the rash cavalry, rather than if it would happen at all.]

It was about this point that we realised that the barbarian's Behemoth General (the wooly rhino) couldn't be pushed back [at least, not by any of the units belonging to the forces of light.  It would take another behemoth, a magician or the like and we didn't have any of those.].  That meant the only way to destroy it would be to double its combat score in a melee - but even if the behemoth was surrounded on all sides this would be a difficult thing to achieve.

OK, new plan: use spearmen [who stood a very good chance of surviving its attacks, even if they couldn't defeat it themselves] to occupy the rhino and kill all the other barbarians in that command until the monster becomes demoralised and therefore no longer a threat!

On the right, a barbarian hero had reached the waiting lines of snowmen and was busy demolishing them.  With the loss of the ice bears and the toy cannon, Santa's army was perilously close to breaking.  On top of this, even if the behemoth had been stopped, there were other barbarians who now had a nearly clear run at Santa's house.  Help!

And still the elven archers and the barbarians jostled, shoved, scratched, stabbed and bit for possession of the hill.  Occasionally an elf element would be pushed back and the barbarians would flood forward, but somehow the elves always managed to restore the line and hold the attackers.

OK, first things first: the newly-victorious elf hero charged into the flank of the engaged warbands on the hill.  His arrival changed the balance of the fight completely and as the tired archers cheered, the general and his bodyguards swept along the line of barbarians dealing death and destruction to all.  That's one barbarian command reduced below half strength and thoroughly demoralised!

Next act: while more elf spearmen rushed to help pin down the behemoth, Santa flew his sleigh towards the most vulnerable-looking of the various scattered warbands and crushed it completely.  He then took to the skies again, thus making himself pretty much immune to counter-attack [or so I thought!].

Simultaneously, more snowmen were formed in front of the house.  At least the barbarians wouldn't be sacking his workshop that easily!

Remember the barbarian king, who had been left behind when his whole tribe surged forwards right at the start of the game?  Well, he was in range to reach Santa (just).  Also, in Hordes of the Things, a Hero can choose to initiate combat with a flyer [presumably they taunt them into accepting a challenge, or trick them into landing, or have physical powers or magic items which enable them to fight in mid air, if only briefly...]

Santa was forced to land and fight, at which point one of the nearby Barbarian warbands charged into his flank as well.  With the odds slightly against him the man in red was defeated and vanished, leaving his sleigh to be ransacked and broken!

Unsurprisingly, this demoralised the remainder of Santa's troops; most of them fled off the board immediately.  Just 2 bases of nervous snowmen were left to defend the house.

With the big man down, it was up to the elves to protect Santa's domain.  The spearmen were still occupied in corralling the behemoth and the archers were a long way off.  The task fell to their hero; he raced across the battlefield before the scattered barbarians could regroup and advance [remember, heroes can move a very long way in HotT!].

The remaining barbarians could almost smell the plunder now.  Their lesser hero raced past the North Pole to engage some of the demoralised snowmen who were the sole remaining defenders.  Astonishingly,  the barbarians slipped on an icy patch and the melee was an inconclusive draw.

In the middle, the barbarian king saw the elf hero approaching.  He wasn't one to shirk a fight; with a mighty bellow, he charged his foe.  This single combat would pretty much decide the outcome of the battle!

It wasn't to be, though.  The elf hero quickly sent his challenger to the halls of his ancestors and with that, the second barbarian tribe became demoralised and the remnants started to flee from the battlefield.  And they had been so close to taking Santa's toyshop!

Conclusion

Well, it's a win for the forces of good, if not for Santa personally.  After this, the visiting elves are going to have to sing laments for the dead at the same time as putting in many hours in the workshop making presents (and a new sleigh) in time for Christmas.  And they were worried about their short, chubby kin being exploited!

No elves were killed in the making of this battle.  The forest elves didn't take a single casualty and Santa's short, round elf shooters ran away rather than wait to be annihilated.  Of course, lots of snowmen, bears, panthers and barbarians perished!

Man of the match: for me, it has to be the elf general.  Although he did have some very easy match-ups for most of the game, his contribution was enormous.  He personally destroyed at least 4 barbarian elements and then finished this off with a successful duel against the enemy king.

I suspect that the dispirited and sullen Barbarian behemoth is still standing near to Santa's house, quietly sulking...