The Battle of Santa's Farm!

Introduction

Even if I haven't done so in any of the previous 12 months, this is the time of year when I host a large-scale battle using the Hordes of the Things rules.  What's the occasion?  Why Christmas, of course - when I retrieve my Santa-themed army and put it on the table with various allies and enemies.  Let the best man/saint/troll/goblin/snowman win!

Last year, Santa routed the opposition.  Can he repeat that success this year?  Read on...

Setup

We had 6 armies facing each other across the table in this game.

For the good side (top to bottom):

• Tilean mercenaries:  Solid spearmen, some heavy cavalry, some crossbowmen, a cannon, a birdman/flying machine and a base of duelists/assassins (sneakers).
• Santa: ice bears, elves with sten guns (and mince pies), a toy cannon and hordes of snowmen.
• Kung Fu: heroes, a buddhist priest, swordsmen and hordes of peasants.

Evil (or at least, naughty, selfish and greedy):

• Goblins: wolf riders, trolls, green hordes.
• Barbarians (centre): rhino rider, archers, warbands.
• Barbarians (right wing): heroes, panther riders, warbands

In the Beginning

As one might expect, the evil side advanced across the board.  If they could just capture Santa's house then it would be "game over", so they had every incentive to play aggressively.

In the far north, the Tilean general rode forwards, perhaps a bit recklessly not waiting for the rest of his troops.  He was swiftly surrounded and cut off by goblins and trolls.

Santa flew his sleigh right over the enemy lines and circled behind them.  He was waiting for an opportunity to pounce on any unsuspecting element.

His first chance arrived almost immediately, as the (centre) barbarians ignored him in favour of continuing their advance.  Santa's sleigh swept down on their back ranks and destroyed one element before taking off again!

To the north, the Tilean general was cut down; this shook and demoralised the remainder of the mercenary force.  Many of them immediately turned and fled, though the spearmen and crossbows held their ground.  Demoralised enemy forces: Good (0), Naughty (1).

Interestingly, the Tilean duelists were engaged with massed goblins in the forest; the sneakers couldn't really be hurt by the hordes (or vice versa) - but they couldn't/wouldn't break off either.  The goblin hordes spent much of the game tied up in this useless fashion - hunting for assassins that they just couldn't pin down!

Near the fountain in the centre, the snowmen started to tear apart the advancing barbarian warbands in front of them.  The elf shooters, having disposed of their barbarian counterparts, joined in as well.  Before long (and completely against the odds), the barbarian (centre) force was decimated and demoralised, with only a few stray elements dispiritedly holding their ground.  Demoralised enemy forces: Good (1), Naughty (1).

At the other end of the battlefield, the Kung Fu swordsmen held off the barbarian cavalry and heroes.  Mostly...

After many turns in which the combat swayed too and fro, the barbarians (right wing) stepped up a gear and chewed through much of the Kung Fu army in just a single turn, whilst only taking a few losses.  Demoralised enemy forces: Good (1), Naughty (2).

In the middle of the game, Santa struck again!  This time he landed in a swamp in order to attack a troll that was involved in a complex fight involving the goblin general and some of his ice bears.  Let's just say that it didn't go very well for either element in the middle of this fight!

The loss of the Tileans had uncovered Santa's flank and the goblin general thought he saw an opportunity.  He led his wolf riders into a charge against Santa's toy cannon, which was then also attacked in the rear by a couple of barbarian heroes from the other flank.

This didn't look good at all.  However, I am reliably informed that the cannon was loaded with Christmas trees this time - not like earlier in the game, when we figured it must have been firing marshmallows, for all the damage it was doing.  The goblin general was well-and-truly skewered and with his demise the remaining goblins decided they wanted no further part in the fight.  Demoralised enemy forces: Good (2), Naughty (2).

So, it looked as if it was coming down the the wire now.  There remained just Santa's army (somewhat damaged) and the barely-touched barbarians (right wing).  The swift barbarian chieftain made an attempt to break into Santa's house, but was chased off by Mrs. Claus (I imagine a rolling pin was involved, possibly also with the threat of ... soap.  Or mistletoe).

Not fancying his army's chances - they were slightly outnumbered and somewhat scattered & out of position - Santa decided to finish this in single combat with the enemy general, "mano e mano".  Whoever lost this fight would probably lose the game, as the remainder of their army would almost certainly be demoralised and withdraw from the battle.  Santa charged his sleigh straight at the barbarian prince...

.who sidestepped nimbly at the last moment and overturned the man-in-red into the snow.  Thus ends the tale; Christmas is no more; victory to the barbarians!

Conclusion

This was a special game, especially as I managed to persuade several club members to play their first game of Hordes of the Things because of the occasion.  I believe that it was much enjoyed by the participants and I hope that the tale will be appreciated by all my other readers too!

Highlights:

• I loved seeing the goblin hordes playing hide-and-seek with the Tilean assassins in the forest.  The sneakers had something of a combat advantage, though this was swiftly reduced by outflanking and demoralisation to something like parity with the goblins.  However, these Tileans just couldn't roll low for almost all the game.
• Santa's cannon, elves and angry snowmen saw off pretty much all comers!  At least, until faced with overwhelming odds...
• One troll from the goblin force engaged a Kung Fu hero late in the game.  Even though both were demoralised, the troll just didn't know to give up and kept chasing the hero across the board [I don't think that Hordes of the Things elements cease to be impetuous once they are demoralised?].
• The barbarian leader's brazen attack on Santa's cottage could have ended the game immediately; it was a 50:50 chance.  However, he was chased off by the stronghold's defences.

Low Points:

• The Tilean flying machine ran away without engaging - again!  I don't think I've ever seen it do anything useful in any game...
• Santa's defeat at the hands of a barbarian has to be a depressing thought - but I'm sure he'll be back!

Santa: The Battle of 6 Armies

Introduction

It's that time of the year again!  Just before Christmas, I pull my Santa army from storage and arrange a big battle of Hordes of the Things.  This time, there were 6 armies involved (3 for Good/Jollity and 3 for Evil/Humbug) together with 3 objectives.  To find out what happened, read on...

Doesn't look much like the North Pole, does it?  I blame global warming...

The 6 Armies: forces of Good

1. Elves.  These are my son's figures and he hasn't painted up enough for a "proper" Hordes of the Things army.  To compensate for their inferior numbers, we lifted the "superior" status from DBMM and gave it to all of them.  In past games these elves have proved to be extremely tough...

Santa's army.  This is more fully described ==> here <==.

Kung Fu.  Again, this army is described in detail ==> here <==.

The 6 Armies: forces of Evil

Goblins.  Hordes and more hordes, some wolves, warband general.  Also, they have a troll...

Undead.  This is a difficult army to command as extra PiPs (initiative points) are needed for both the flyers and for the magician.

Barbarians: warband, shooters, panther riders (knights) and heroes.  Much of this army is impetuous...

 The Game

Wolves and a troll surged forwards towards Mrs. Claus' house.  It took the troll a while to work out how to enter, but eventually he (she? it?) did so and claimed the objective for the evil side.  I don't think Mrs Claus will ever get that smell out of the carpets...

The elves advanced to meet this assault; their archers rained arrows upon the wolf riders and destroyed one element.  Firsat blood to the forces of good!

Here's a little extra rule that we used on the day: one of my club mates had brought a large bag of chocolates to the meeting.  I ruled that each time an enemy element was destroyed, the victor could have one.  It certainly gave some real-world consequence to the fights.

On the other flank, the barbarians surged forwards enthusiastically.  In an unexpected turn of events, their hero general was repulsed; this defeat then affected all the other combats down the line and the barbarians didn't win a single fight.

The Kung Fu front line counterattacked and, with a spectacularly bad series of dice rolls, much of the barbarian army just disintegrated.

The barbarian commander fought on alone and even managed to slay one of the Kung Fu heroes, but the odds were heavily against him and he was surrounded.  Even though his attackers sportingly gave him a chance by rolling a '1' (!), the dispirited warrior couldn't fight on any more (he rolled a '1' himself.  Again!).

The centre was an almost totally defensive fight for the undead, as they never had enough PiPs to move more than a handful of troops.  Indeed, the giant bats were never activated during the entire game.

The necromancer general stayed at the back, casting ineffectual spells at Santa's army.  In return, the ice bears charged forwards and fought with zombies and skeletons.  There were losses on both sides, but when Santa joined in as well, the tide turned in favour of the forces of good.

Then, disaster struck the undead!  Firstly, the vampire knights were destroyed in combat with a horde of snowmen.  That's nearly (but not quite) impossible.

Then, Santa saw the necromancer standing alone behind the ranks of skeletal infantry.  A twitch on the reins was all he needed to guide his flying reindeer over the intervening enemies.  The sleigh landed directly on top of the undead general, squashing him into the dirt.

With the loss of their commander, the undead army crumbled to dust (it failed the "panic" roll on the turn after losing the general).  All that was left were a few ghosts (i.e. the sneaker element), drifting about the battlefield looking for something they could haunt.

Over near the cottage, the elf bowmen advanced slowly, slaughtering everything that stood in their way (by this time, the Good players were starting to refuse the chocolates they earned for every 'kill'; it was just too much for them).

The elf spearmen moved past the house in an attempt to engage the troll, but were ambushed from the side by the goblin general and his warband.  For many turns, these embattled elves threw the evil forces back (their 'superior' status helped here!), but the goblins just kept on coming until eventually they overran the first group of elven infantry.

The greater goblins pressed their advantage and pushed the remaining elf spearmen up the hill.  For a brief moment it looked as if the goblin army might be able to inflict some real hurt on the forces of good, but by this time Santa was free from crushing the necromancer.

The sleigh took to the skies once more and came barreling down the hill, into (and through) the troll without even slowing down.  That catastrophic loss was too much to bear and all of the goblin hordes fled the battlefield in terror, leaving just their demoralised general and his bodyguard.  There seemed little point in playing on after this, so we called the game.

Conclusion

That was a rout!  Of the 3 evil sides, only the goblins put up much of a fight. Their opponents (the elves) suffered the heaviest losses of any good army - and even that was only 2 elements.  The barbarians' collapse was unexpected but spectacular; I don't know if I've ever seen so many '1's rolled in a row.  The necromancer's command-heavy army never threw higher than a '3' on a d6 for PiPs (it might have been a '4' on one turn; my memory isn't perfect here) and was consequently paralysed & ineffectual.  It basically stood there and allowed Santa to attack wherever and whenever he desired.

I don't want to take anything away from the good side's victory, though: they played competently and came away with a massive win.  Sometimes what looks like an even fight just isn't.

So, make merry and enjoy yourselves this Christmas, in the knowledge that evil has been roundly defeated once again.  Have another chocolate, if you can face it 🙂...

HotT: Santa vs the Barbarians

Introduction

Once a year, sometime in December, I pull my Santa army out of storage and use it in a game of Hordes of the Things.  If you're interested then here are the previous reports:

• 2015: A HotT day's work at Christmas
• 2014: Christmas vs Halloween
• 2013: One of our Santas is Missing
• 2012: It was the night before Christmas

As you can see from these battles, Santa and his friends have faced all manner of enemies, but today's fight would pit them against a new foe: a musclebound, unwashed, barely articulate mass of Conanesque Barbarians!

This would be a straight up fight, with no special rules or scenario plots.  On with the story...

The Forces

In the red corner, trying to topple the festivities and loot & pillage Santa's workshop, we have:

• Barbarians:  24AP of steroid-abusing narcissists with very little self-control.  This force is made up mostly of heroes and warbands with a few shooters as well.
• Kung Fu: 24AP of inscrutable orientals.  A mix of heroes, blades and hordes, plus a cleric.

In the blue corner, defending all that is decent, right and proper:

• Santa: 24AP of elves with firearms, polar bears, an animated toy cannon and hordes of snowmen.
• Tileans: 24AP of Condottieri/mercenaries.  Pikes, crossbows, heavy cavalry, assassins and a flying machine.

The Game

From the outset, the attackers charged across the battlefield:

• The Kung Fu army raced for the hill in front of Santa's house.
• The Barbarians tried to close with their enemies as fast as possible (since the defenders had a lot of missile weapons!).  A single barbarian archer unit was sent to claim the other hill.

On the other hand, the defenders all edged forwards slightly, apart from the Tilean flying machine.  This made a huge, sweeping flank move and ended up on the other side of a forest, out of sight and out of mind.

As expected, Santa's shooters and artillery knocked backwards elements in the barbarian line.  This would make it much more difficult to mount any kind of coordinated attack.

Santa couldn't resist attacking the isolated barbarian archers on the hill.  It helped that flying elements are not penalised for being downhill of an opponent, but even then everyone was surprised when he wiped out the bowmen.  By far the most likely result would have been a simple recoil of the archers, which wouldn't really have bothered the barbarians one little bit.

Sensing a challenge, the barbarian general ran and leaped up the hill to confront the enemy's hero.  Some of his warband followed him, whilst others surged forward into the snowmen.

Here's the thing about hero vs hero fights in Hordes of the Things: unless there's a tie, the loser dies.  As a rough rule in HotT, the loser of a fight recoils unless their combat score is doubled [pretty much impossible in this situation] -  but not when it's a hero facing another hero.  Oh, no - I guess they're just too stubborn to retreat or something like that.

So, Santa and the Barbarian king fought each other.  The odds were in the barbarian's favour as he had support from some of his tribe.  He duly rolled a better combat score than Santa (just!) and the man in red went down.  Game over, man!

The loss of their leader caused Santa's followers to panic.  Some fled the field immediately, whilst many of the snowmen were slaughtered by rampaging barbarians.

On the other side of the board, the Kung Fu army charged down from their hill into the Tileans:

• With some luck on their side, the orientals smashed down the units at both ends of the Tilean line.
• Although the Tilean assassins tried a sneaky rear attack, they were put to flight easily by the Kung Fu reserve.

After this, it was only a matter of time before the eastern hordes rolled up the Tilean force.  By the time  the Tilean general fell, his army was in tatters and demoralised.  Nobody even noticed when the flying machine slipped away quietly!

Then it was just a question of mopping up, whilst deciding which force would get bragging rights from looting the toyshop!  A barbarian warband was first to reach Santa's house, but these impetuous warriors fell to the magical defences.

The Kung Fu priest attempted to break in to the workshop, but his efforts were all thwarted.  Finally, the barbarian heroine was the one to smash her way in, capturing the stronghold and finishing the game.  Mind you, by this time there was only a single defending element left on the table (a Tilean pike unit), so Santa's defeat was complete and somewhat inevitable!

Conclusion

I don't think that the defenders really had a plan in this game.  Either they should have moved aggressively for the 2 hills and used the height advantage to hold them against all comers, or else they should have stayed on their baseline and used their reasonably good firepower to disrupt and damage the attackers.  Instead, they advanced slowly to the point where the attackers could neutralise both of these potential advantages.

The big (indeed, huge) turning point was obviously when the barbarian chieftain confronted Santa.  I hadn't read the rules in detain at that point and consequently hadn't appreciated that:

1. Santa would not be disadvantaged by being downhill.
2. Hero-vs-hero fights are exceptionally deadly.

As leader of the barbarians, I didn't then have as much of an advantage as I thought I would - and the loser of this fight would have their general destroyed.  That would likely result in the loss of their command and, in due course, cost the entire game.  Truly a lot depended on this one combat!

Well, we know how it turned out.  But it could have gone the other way so easily...

Finally, here's a shot of the Tilean flying machine hiding behind the forest, just to prove that it did exist!

HOTT: Christmas vs. Halloween!

Introduction

It's time for my annual Christmas game of Hordes of the Things, I think.  This year, my undead armies (the Cabal of the Black Hand) have invaded somewhere in south-east Asia.  Why do we care?  Because the necromancers are after the toy factories!  Turning out to defend his sources of supply is Santa and his minions, aided by some of the local Kung Fu masters.

In previous years, Santa and his allies have trounced most comers (2013, 2012).  However, this time the bony ones have got a new secret weapon.  They've managed to resurrect an undead dragon, so let's see how the man in red likes that!

The Game

We decided that the rivers were shallow and not particularly fast-flowing.  They would affect magic as normal and would reduce movement by 50%, but wouldn't have any effect on combat.

The forces were as follows:

• Santa: aerial hero general, elf shooters, toy soldier cannon, polar bears, hordes of snowmen
• Kung Fu: 2 heroes, priest, swordsmen, hordes of peasants
• Undead (N): Necromancer, anti-hero, lots of bats, hordes of skeletons.
• Undead (S): Necromancer, bone dragon (arrives later at a cost of 6 PiPs), skeleton cavalry, hordes of zombies and ghouls.

The southern necromancer and his cavalry advanced as quickly as possible.  The river would have a very negative effect on any magic that crossed it, so the sooner the magician was on the same side as his foes, the better.  However, he was somewhat dismayed to see the entire Kung Fu army charging towards him.  Interestingly, they were leading with the hordes of peasants; the heroes were at the back!

In the north, the other necromancer sent forwards his bats, intending to use them as a screen between him and that nasty cannon on the hill opposite.  The huge column of skeletons on the far flank also advanced, albeit more slowly.

It turns out that bats don't make a very good screen.  The elves and the cannon in the hill opened fire with devastating results.  Two stands of bats were shot out of the sky just like that!  Suddenly the northern necromancer felt very vulnerable as a large pack of ice bears cantered towards him.

A plan: stick the anti-hero in front of the bears and let him deal with them!  Sadly, the bears didn't even slow down as they bundled the undead wight backwards.  At least the necromancer himself was a little safer - for now!

The southern skeleton cavalry crashed into the Chinese peasant hordes and sent them reeling with some casualties.  This wasn't too surprising, really.  On the other hand, the nearby zombies and ghouls on the hill were reluctant to cross the river and face the line of Kung Fu warriors; that fight would have been heavily in the swordsmen's favour!

Finally (ta-da!), the bone dragon arrived to bolster the southern undead force.  This was none too soon, really...

...as the northern force was in trouble.  The ice bears continued to make life difficult for the anti-hero and also tried to catch some of the irritating bats, without much success.

In desperation, the necromancer fled from the fierce beasts and attacked the elves to try to put a stop to their galling rifle fire.  He was completely successful and slew one group of the shooters with a shower of violet sparks.

However, this was a step too far.  Seeing the enemy general alone and unsupported, Santa flew his sleigh down to confront the evil magician.  He attacked just as the ice bears caught up with the necromancer from behind; the undead commander couldn't survive such an assault and perished miserably!

The loss of their commander meant that the northern undead army would need to take a demoralisation check in their next turn.  Since they had now taken 10AP of casualties (mostly bats!), they would need a '6' to avoid fleeing from the field.

Predictably, the northern undead command failed the test and became demoralised.  Their anti-hero sat on his skeletal steed in the middle of the river, miserable and unmoving, whilst the hordes of skeletons started to shuffle back to wherever they had come from.

The southern general was now faced by 2 virtually-intact enemy armies.  He sent the dragon to attack the ice bears in an attempt to hold them up, whilst his zombies trudged towards the waiting Kung Fu blades.  If he didn't inflict serious losses on the enemy really quickly then he wouldn't get any chance at all!

The desperate gambit seemed initially to be working as the dragon destroyed the first group of bears very easily.  However, Santa's army responded swiftly and the monster was quickly surrounded.  The dispirited anti-hero sat and watched whilst the dragon fought against a multitude of foes.  Although it survived for a short while, the creature could only push back one foe at a time and eventually it was overwhelmed.  The bears smashed the bone dragon to pieces and howled in triumph as the magic which bound it flickered and dissipated.

Briefly, the line of zombies stood intact against the Kung Fu blades, but then the swordsmen overcame their doubts.  They sensed victory, laid into the undead hordes with vigour and started to wipe them out methodically.

While the warriors laid into the zombies, the Kung Fu heroes and Santa launched devastating attacks on the skeleton cavalry.  In a flurry of blows, they destroyed much of the remainder of the southern undead force, leaving the necromancer fleeing in terror as his army crumbled around him.  Game over!

Conclusion

This was another devastating victory for the good guys.  The casualty lists really sum it up quite nicely, I think:

Santa's losses

Undead (N) Losses

Undead (S) Losses

Note that although the Kung Fu army did suffer some peasant horde casualties early on, these had all been replaced by the end of the game.  So technically, they didn't have any losses!

I still don't think that we've figured out how to use flyers properly.  My attempt to deploy the bats as a screen against shooting was a complete disaster.  Between them, the cannon and rapid rifle fire from the elves threw me onto the back foot right from the start of the game!

The dragon was given an impossible task.  As it was, it only held up Santa for so long because that army spent all its energy on surrounding and (ultimately) felling the creature.

Finally, I HATE BEARS!